I Try To Be Interesting. Chicks DIgg That, Right?

I need to get out more. Meet some ladies. Get a girlfriend. Get married. Have three kids, named Gwendolyn Amelia, Willow Evangeline, and Hugh Gregory. (I think ahead. lol) That might be my problem... I think too much when I do spend time with a lady. I want a future so bad I don't pay attention to the present.

I want a girlfriend... but from my observations, relationships are just a miserable as they are wonderfull. Maybe I shouldn't try to meet someone untill I get this whole "I'm bat shit crazy" thing under controle. And usually when I fall for someone I fall head over heals. And if it doesn't work out I am miserable for months. I have fallen for two women, and both of them didn't want me and it took me over a year to get over each of them.

I don't know... To quote The Used: "You'll never find it if you're looking for it." So maybe I should just give it time. Let what is meant to happen happen.

Sounds good to me.

I Don't Have Time For You, Sorry...

I have spent my life below others. Feeling worthless. Hating Myself. Wanting to die. I'm done with that. I am happier than I have ever been. I feel like I am equal to others... I even feel like I'm better some people. I, for the first time in my life, can honestly say I'm happy. I have my moments of depression, but who doesn't? I have gone from a suicide attempt and a stay in the mental hospital to feeling better than I have ever in just about a year. And that takes alot of work...

I do everything the shrinks told me to do. (Go to bed at a reasonable time and don't sleep in, come up with goals for the day, put your thoughts down on paper [I do that via poetry], always be productive, don't just watch T.V. and junk, get outside everyday, think and talk about happy things, and reflect on your daily goals at night. Among other things.) Doing that sounds easy. But when you are depressed you'd rather piss glass.

I have struggled to get where I am. And it takes all my emotional energy to not let this diesese take back over. So I can't deal with your emotions... sorry.